I wrote this me self

Look what got sent to us in the post!

2006-05-28T20:24:16Z

So I got this 'ere package in the post the a couple of weeks ago. If yer click on the cut, you'll get to see what I were sent!

I 'ad to wait a couple of weeks fer my pictures to get developed like. I used me Mum's old Kodak, so the pictures ain't too clear. I think that lass behind the counter at the chemist thinks I'm a bit strange, I'm sure she been looking at me photos, the nosey cow! Any road, this turned in the post, addressed to me. It had a Hyde post mark on it and all!

As yer can see, it's a picture of that Hyde actor, that John Simm bloke! What's more, 'e's written it to me and all!

See 'e says:-

To Chris,
Best Wishes,
John Simm

Using me investigative brain, I can tell yer it in't a fake. I reckon 'e's finally taken notice of all them letters I've been sending 'im, asking 'ow come 'e looks just like our Sam!

There can be only one like!

2006-05-14T22:02:46Z

I'm only 'ere for a bit of a joke.

Which is why I'm gonna stick to me journal fer a while, and not venture out into other bits of the Hyde internet!

Nicking me material?

2006-05-13T23:50:06Z

I dun't really know what a DVD is right, but a mate of mine on me journal told us there are these two actors called Marshall Lancaster (yer know, the one who looks just like us) and Dean Andrews who do a talking bit with summit to do with when we arrested that Billy Kemble bloke. Apparently right, they have the following conversation (when yer 'ere the music):-

ML:- "What is this? Life on Mars?" (He even sounds like us then!)
Someone else:- "Oh, wrong show!"
DA:- "I've seen that John Simm somewhere before."

*cough* 31st March 2006 (Hyde date)

Me first conversation about that John Simm Bloke

I saying nowt!

Oh - and from what I 'ere - that Marshall Lancaster, right, 'e likes wearing womens knickers!

So we 'ave summit in common after all!

A bit about a right weird mark on Sam's arm.

2006-05-03T22:13:22Z

Now this is right weird. Get this, I were on that johnsimm again over the weekend right, looking at pictures of that John Simm Bloke, from some Hyde film called Human Traffic or summit, and I noticed 'e 'ad a tattoo the top of 'is right arm (perhaps 'e did 'is National Service in the Navy like?). So I sort of figured 'e in't like our Sam right, cos Sam an't got a tattoo, ('e din't 'ave one when we went undercover that time at the baths or owt - I think I would 'ave noticed - I spotted Kim Trent's verruca after all!).

Any road, I got talking to the lass who put up them pictures, and she said it were odd cos Sam 'as a nasty bruise just about the same place where, that John Simm Bloke 'as 'is tattoo. ('ow she knows I d'know. Perhaps she knew Sam when 'e lived in Hyde). But the thing is she's dead right, 'e does have a bruise or summit just there. I'd always figured it were cos the Guv is always manhandling 'im, and it never gets chance to 'eal.

But then I put me investigative brain on to it right. I dun't think it's a bruise at all - I think it's some sort of birthmark, cos it's always there. I'll 'ave to ask Sam next time I see 'im, but the Guv is keeping 'im busy at the moment with work. They've been working long 'ours at the office or summit. Sam's looking quite worn out, poor thing.

Me first proper fic

2006-05-01T16:48:38Z

Well folks, I've actually gone an written a fic! Let us know what yer think about it. It in't mucky, I've been very well behaved! There's a bit of tying up with ropes, but it ain't as bad as it sounds! Any road, let us know what yer think.

Title: Me first proper fic
Setting: Summer 1973, sometime after Sam went loopy and turned a gun on the Guv.
Rating: 15+ There are a few dirty words me Mum woun't want me using! But no mucky business.
Summary: Me and Sam get in a bit of a pickle - can't say owt else, or it will ruin it!
Disclaimer: I dun't quite understand it, but I 'ave to say that it in't mine, that me, Sam and everyone belong to the BBC and Kudos. Alright?

It were getting late on, one summer evening, and I’d just finished me shift. Sam had gone home a couple of hours before, and as I were leaving, I noticed he’d left his jacket behind on his desk. He weren’t due back in to office again for a couple of days, and even though it were pretty warm outside, I kind of thought he might want it – just in case it got cold like – later on. I got it in my head to pop round to his, on me way home, and drop it off. To tell yer the truth though, it would give us a chance to see him again, as I weren’t gonna see him till Wednesday. I picked up his jacket, left the office with it, and made me way to me car. Outside it were still light, it woun’t get dark for another hour or so.

Any road, I plonked his jacket down on the passenger seat, and I were about to start the engine up, but took me hand off the key. I looked around, but there were no one about. I pulled his jacket towards me, and let me hands feel its soft leather, before drawing it closer, so I could smell it. It had that lovely leathery smell of course, but I could also smell a bit of Sam on it. He dun’t wear aftershave like Ray does, but I could smell his sweat on it, and a slight hint of soap – Imperial Leather, I think. It were a right good feeling, and I could have stayed there for a while like that, but I saw someone in my mirror walking up the pavement behind, so I dropped the jacket back to the other seat, and started up the car, proper like. Well I din’t want whoever it were to think I were weird or owt, now did I?

I pulled me car up outside Sam’s flat, grabbed the jacket and made me way up the stairs. I thought a bit about what I would say before I knocked on the door – I wanted to get me words right see. I din’t want him to think I’d come here really, just to see him. I paused for bit, and I were sure I could hear voices coming from inside the flat. He must have the telly on, I thought. So, I knocked on the door and everything went quiet. Sam opened the door, but only a little bit - I could just about see his face. The rest of him were hidden behind the door.

“Chris? W…what are you doing here?”
“Got yer jacket, Boss. Yer left it at work, thought you might need it.”
I handed it over to him, but he seemed a bit, well edgy. He still din’t open the door all the way, but extended one of his hands out to get it.
“That’s very kind of you Chris, thanks.”
He tried to smile – but he weren’t really smiling. Summit was wrong.
“You alright Boss?”
“Yes fine Chris. See you on Wednesday.”
Now I were thinking he’d had one of his funny turns again, like he had that time he pull a gun on the Guv.
“Tell yer what Boss. I’ll go get Annie shall I? The three of us can all ‘ave a nice sit down and a cup of tea – yeah? Or, I get yer some scotch of summit.”
“No, its okay Chris, I’m fine. Just go home, alright.”
As he said it, he looked behind him slightly, as if he were nervous about summit. But then summit else occurred to us.
“You got somebody there with yer, Boss?”
I tired to peek round the door to see if he had, but the door were flung open, sudden like. There, in the doorway stood an angry looking Vic Tyler, holding a gun at me. Fucking bastard!
“I see Dopey’s turned up Sam. Lets hope this is the best rescue attempt Manchester’s finest can muster. You, copper!” He said motioning towards us in with his gun. “Get in here. I guess I’ll have to shoot both of you now!”

I were right confused.
“What’s going on?” I asked Sam, as I moved me hands up in the air where Vic Tyler could see ‘em.
“He followed me home from the police station.” Said Sam.
“He even let me when I turned up at the door. Seemed almost happy to see me!” Added Vic.
"Look - Vic, can't we talk about this?" Asked Sam.
"I don't think so Sam. I'm going to shoot you. Remember the last time we met, and you tired to talk me out of it? I would have done it then, and you know it."
“Yer gonna…gonna shoot us, then?” I were tripping over me words.
“Yeah – but not just yet eh. Figure I’ll wait till it gets dark. You..” he said as he waved his gun at me, “Over there in my bag, there’s a few pieces of rope, go get them.”
I did as he said – I mean, I weren’t gonna argue now, were I?

“Now bring them over here, and bring a chair as well.”
I pulled out one of the chairs from under the table, and he made Sam sit down on it.
“You, Dopey, tie his legs to the chair legs, or I’ll shoot you now.”
I took up a length of rope and started to strap poor Sam the chair. I will admit to yer, I had dreams about what I were now doing, but I never pictured it quite like this – Vic Tyler, with a gun weren’t there for a start.
“Tie it nice and tight. There’s a good lad.”
“’ow come yer ‘ave all these pieces of rope?” I asked.
“I’m always prepared for any eventuality, when I carry out a hit. Now shut up, and finish what you’re doing.”
“A hit?” Asked Sam.
“Yes, Inspector, a hit. Someone wants you dead, and I needed the money. What, you didn’t think this was some sort of social visit did you? Catch up on old times, eh?”
I’d finished tying Sam’s legs to the chair by then, and Vic made us go and get the other chair, put it back to back against Sam’s chair, and tie me self to it and all. Then he took a big length of rope, and tied Sam and me together, really tight like. It were just like in one of them films, where the two heroes get tied together by the baddie, but it weren’t a film, it were really happening, and I were really scared.

“You alright Chris?” Sam asked us.
The back of our heads were touching, and he moved his head slightly to talk to me. Through the chair backs, I could feel his body pressed against mine, me arms and his arms next to each other, our neck and shoulders directly touching. I’d never been closer to him, physically like, in all the time I knew him. It made us all confused inside. I were gonna die, but I were with Sam, like this.
“I d’know Boss.” I said. There were a slight shakiness to me voice, when I spoke.
“Ah, how touching.” Said Vic, in a right nasty way. He moved over to the window and parted the curtains. “It’s getting dark lads. I’m going to have to leave you on your own for a few minutes. Going to scout round the front of the building. Oh, and don’t try to escape. I don’t want to have to resort to prolonging the pain of your deaths - if you get my drift.”

He turned to face us.
“You know Sam, it didn’t have to be like this. I had it all worked out. Back in March I was all ready to assonate Warren, and take over. But you, you got in the way and had to play the boy-scout, and arrest him. Left me in awful pickle didn’t it? I couldn’t just take over then. I had to become the Morton brothers, and attempt to take over in another way. Now here I am, no money, and I’m out of the game. If you had only let Warren be, I wouldn’t be on the run now, and my family would have a better life."
“No,” spat back, Sam. “If I had let things be, you still would have left us…umm them.”
“Yeah, how the fuck do you know? And what the hell does my family have to do with you anyway? I’m going to enjoy killing you!”

As he said it though, summit in me, like a flash, hit us about Vic. It were just the way he looked at us, just summit about him. I began to wonder, but I didn’t say owt then. It would wait, till he were out the room. He slipped out the door, leaving Sam and me tied up and on our own. Sam wriggled around to see how tightly he were attached to me, and the chair.
“Did you have to go, and tie them knots so tight Chris?” He asked us.
“’e were gonna shoot yer, if I din’t.”
“And you as well, don’t forget. You did too good a job there.”
“Sorry Boss. Umm, Boss can I ask yer summit?”
“Go on.”
“Are yer some sort of relation of Vic’s?”
Sam went sort of still.
“What makes you ask that, Chris?”
“Well yer ‘ave the same surname.”
“I’m sure there are loads of folks called Skelton, who you’re not related to Chris.”
“But Boss. It more that that. It were just, when he looked at us. He had a right look of you, when yer a bit narked off like.”
“You think so?”

Oh, I knew so. I’d got to the point now, when I knew if he had his pissed off face on. Him and Vic, they had the same look see.
“Yeah, I do Boss. Perhaps the two of yer dun’t know it, but I reckon, yeah.”
Sam were quiet for a bit, and then took a deep breath.
“Well Chris, as we're going to die, I think I should tell you…”
But I interrupted him.
“Are we really gonna die Boss? You an’t got some escape plan then?”
“No, Chris I don’t.”
“I would of thought yer would ‘ave, Boss.”
"'ow 'bout we shout loudly - maybe someone will hear us."
"Trust me Chris, we can make as much noise as we like - me neighbours never seem to hear anything. Besides, Vic might hear us instead."
Sam went quiet again. This were it then. We were gonna die. All them months, all them feeling I had for him, we were gonna die without me ever telling him. It were now or never.
“Boss, umm…Sam. I’ve summit I’ve gotta tell yer.”
“Go on, Chris.”
How did I start? I should tell him how I loved him, how I wanted that barrier that exists between us to break, and to let all me feeling for him flood out. How I dreamed about him, how I wanted to kiss him, how I wanted to hold him close to me, how I wanted…

…but the door opened and Vic Tyler came back in. How I hated him in that moment. I felt liked I’d been kicked in the guts, or summit. Now Sam would never know how I felt about him! Curse that bastard wanker, Vic Tyler!
“It dark now, gentlemen. Time I used this, I think.” He said pointing his gun at us.
He cocked the gun, and placed the barrel on me forehead.
“Dopey, first I think. You can watch Sam. Then you.”
I were just about shitting me self.
“No, - Da..don’t!” Shouted Sam. “Please, I’m begging you - let him go, this has nothing to do with him.”
“Oh, my sweet Godfathers. You sound like you care a bit too much, about your little constable! I bet your father is very proud. But sadly Sam, Dopey’s involved now, and he’s going first.”
I could see him, his finger on the trigger, he were about to pull it. I closed me eyes and then – BANG! No pain, but I felt Sam’s shock, as his body jumped and he grab hold of me right hand, and I could feel the sweat on his palms. I opened me eyes. The gun an’t gone off, and then it hit us, the bang I heard an’t been the gun, but the door busting open. And there, in the doorway stood Ray.

“Games up, Scum, back-ups on the way.”
Vic pointed his gun at Ray, but as he did Sam and me tilted over our chairs, and came crashing down on him, knocking him over. As Vic fell over, the gun went off, and then dropped out of his hand. Ray fell down too, and from the position I were in on the floor, I could see that he’d been hit in leg. Vic stood up and legged it, jumping over a wounded Ray, who were trying to steady himself, but he weren’t quick enough to catch him.

Ray pulled himself up and hobbled over to us.
“What are you doing ‘ere?” I asked him.
“Good job I were passing eh? Saw you car, and then I saw that little piece of shite, noising around outside. Figured something was wrong.”
He untied the rope around our middle, but din’t say much to Sam. He helped me untie the ropes round me legs, but left Sam to untie his own. Me legs felt stiff, and so must have Sam’s, cos he were a bit wobbly when he stood up.
“Is back up on the way then, Ray?”
“Yes Boss, radioed them about five minutes ago.”
“Right, I’m off to see if I can work out where Vic’s gone. If I’m quick, I might be able to catch up with him.”
Sam ran off leaving Ray and me on our own.
“Your leg alright, mate?”
“Yeah – reckon it’s just a scratch.”
“By the way Chris, he didn’t touch you, did he?”
“Who?”
“Tyler.”
“Nah – ‘e din’t ‘it us, ‘e just pointed ‘is gun at me.”
“What? Oh, oh, yeah, Vic Tyler.. umm yeah, right.”
“How’d you managing to be passing anyway? This in’t on your route ‘ome.”
“Oh, you know. Umm…sometimes I like to take the long way home. Go for a bit of a drive like.”
“Oh.”
Ray hopped over to where Sam kept his bottle of scotch.
“Drink Chris? Reckon we deserve it. Don’t think Tyler will mind, do you? Must say, he’s got good taste in scotch. He drinks the same stuff as the Guv.”

THE END

Which Life on Mars character are you?

2006-04-30T20:23:41Z

Which Life on Mars character are you?

You are Sam.You are a person out of time, but you're where you're meant to be. You might dream of going home, but in the meantime - keep wearing those flares and confronting your boss!
Take this quiz!

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I came out with Sam!

Well, any road - I keep trying to get that as plot fer an episode in the next series!

Results of me poll!

2006-04-22T22:45:33Z

Right, I've decided to put up the results of me poll that I did, 'bout who I should end up with.

Who should I end up with?

1. Who should I end up with?

Take this poll !

View this poll's results !

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Eleven folks voted, and Sam came on top (in me dreams 'e always does too!). Only two folks voted fer Annie, think one of 'em were 'er and all, poor lass! Annie, the public (all eleven of yer), have spoken luv! It in't to be!

BTW Annie can I borrow the nurses uniform - it dun't fit Ray, but if the public are right Sam might look bloody good in it!

A bit about how I watched summit that right freaked us out on Hyde TV!

2006-04-20T21:40:53Z

So I were watching them Hyde TV channels again. This time it were on the Hyde version of BBC1, which in't a bit like our BBC1. Hyde BBC1 'as all these poofy dancers before the start of every programme - it's right shite - oh it dun't 'ave Testcard Girl neither. Think it must be one of them regional things - you know different things depending on where yer live. I mean like in Yorkshire they 'ave Yorkshire news with that Austin Mitchell bloke.

Anyhow this show I were watching were called The Street and it were right weird. First of all it were 'bout some old bloke - and 'is TV talked to 'im. I'll 'ave to tell Sam that cos 'e's always going on 'bout 'ow 'is telly talks to 'im and all. And then 'is next door neighbour right (and this is well odd!) looked just like that Vic Tyler bloke who's still on the run. I think I might 'ave just put me investigative brain to good use and solved summit. I think Vic Tyler 'as gone to Hyde and is 'iding out there as an actor under the assumed name of Lee Ingleby. I'll 'ave to tell the Guv and Sam tomorrow - I might get a even get a medal for me detective work! Well if it is that Vic Tyler 'e in't a very good actor anyway cos 'e were just playing his self - a right nasty piece of work.

But that in't the part that really freaked us out. No that 'append quite early on in the show - there were some actor bloke right - who looked just like me! I mean 'is 'air wern't as nice as mine and 'e din't wear tank tops (the old bloke in the story did though!), but 'e were like me double or summit. 'e were playing a bloke called Colin who was perving some lass like I do a bit to the Future Mrs. Skelton, only 'e were far more direct. 'e din't 'ave a boss like Sam though - 'e did try to brown-nose 'im, but 'e din't really care for 'im proper like - in the way I do with my Boss. 'e were only interested in this one lass with big knockers - which were a bit boring if yer ask me. There were one scene at a retirement do where 'e wore a nice suit and a shirt I would 'ave worn - but it wern't the same really.

So I 'ung on to see what 'is name were - and 'e's called Marshall Lancaster. If I ever go to Hyde (perhaps when we go and arrest Vic Tyler) I'll 'ave to see if I can find 'im. Perhaps 'e's me long lost twin or summit - separated at birth like!

Right I'm off for a large scotch and a lie down.

A bit when I ask yer who should I end up with?

2006-04-19T18:53:08Z

Who should I end up with?

I need some 'elp like! I'm all bit confused cos I like Ray, Sam and Annie! I d'know who I should be with. I mean Ray is me bad 'abit that I can't give up, I love Sam and I dream 'bout Annie.

So I were wondering if you lot could 'elp me and vote in the poll behind the cut.

My Polls

Who should I end up with?

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If yer dun't think I should be any of 'em could yer please suggest who I should be with!

Ta!

I'll post the results sometime and all!

A bit about how I used me investigative brain!

2006-04-17T23:09:01Z

Right - yer know 'ow I found that johnsimm and 'ow 'e looks the spit of Sam, well I did some more research and found summit called philipglenister and this bloke right, looks just like the Guv! It in't as good as johnsimm - the lass who does that one 'as it looking really nice (I should know I'm often on there looking at them pictures!).

This ones only got one picture of that Philip Glenister bloke and he looks like a right poofter! Dun't think that actor has done much though. The last entry in that journal dates from Friday, October 21st, 2005 and says,

Sorry for the lack of activity o'er here. There's not much news in the PG world lately.

So 'e an't done owt in 2006 then. I'll 'ave to ask Sam if 'e's heard of that Philip Glenister bloke - 'e might be on Hyde TV or summit.

I were also told that aparently there is some bloke (another actor!) called Dean Andrews who's supposed to look just like Ray, only not as 'airy! I coun't find 'im 'ere on this Live Journal thingy. Search for Dean Andrews . Does no one like 'im?

Then I did me a few more searches:-

Me self Six folks like me!

Ray Carling Poor Ray only three folks like 'im - one of 'em's me and all!

A bit about where I live

2006-04-17T17:29:59Z

Some of yer might like to know a bit 'bout me self - where I live like. I live in a bit of Manchester called Chorlton-Cun-Hardy at 53 Kepple Road. It's right boring round 'ere at times - nowt like what Sam tells us 'bout Hyde - which sounds dead exciting. About the most exciting thing that ever 'append were when the lads next door - Barry, his twin brothers Robin and Maurice and their little brother Andy moved to Australia when I were 'bout eleven. They liked their music and 'ad a couple of songs in the charts, one called Massachusetts and another one called I've Gotta Get a Message To You.

They an't 'ad much success since then - guess no one will 'ere from 'em again.

Where's the Guv?

2006-04-13T17:06:30Z

I dun't think Sam is right happy cos he'd tried to send the Guv on a Hyde 'puter course but he dun't seem right bothered (says he dun't like these new fangled ideas of Sams). Just hope the Gov changes his mind and gets himself up on this t'internet stuff.

If any of yer see 'im - let 'im know will yer!

To all those on me friends list - if yer ever wanna comment please do - I'll try and get back to yer!

A bit about how I got into the CID

2006-04-07T20:27:57Z

9th July 1973

Just in case yer were wondering 'ow me Chris Skelton go into the CID I'll tell yer. When I were a young copper - a PC like - I 'ad this boss and one day 'e told us that a job for a DC 'ad come up in A-Division. 'e were right keen that I apply - even wrote me a cracking reference. Within a week I were transferred out of uniform and in t' CID.

It were right strange that cos I din't think me old boss liked me. I mean I'd crashed 'is car the week before - and it wont even in a car chase or owt! And then there were the Christmas Party. I were right bladdered and I came on to some bird (Ray egged us on a bit - I wont that bothered) - she wont interested so I called 'er a stuck up cow. Turns out she were me bosses daughter. I wont even go into 'ow I confused that rat poisoning for sugar when I were making the tea that time.

I stil dun't know why 'e were so nice to me after all that and why the day I left 'is office to start me new job 'e were right 'appy - 'e were whistling and everything.

Meme

2006-04-03T22:51:29Z

8th July 1973

Your Bloke Is Prettier Than You!

Come on! Those "Queer Eye" marathons you two love on the Hyde digi channels weren't a tip off?

And you wonder what happened to your good pair of Cuban heels.

It is nice to be able to use your blokes High Karate aftershave when you stay over.

But watch out. He may be looking for an upgrade... possibly one with a bigger ego and a love of Scotch!

Is He Prettier Than You?

Your Bloke is A Total Player!

He might be actively seeing other blokes/birds (sometimes two at once?).
You're guy's got the potential to be a total ~~bastard~~ player
And chances are that he's at least looking and flirting.
It's up to you: do you want to tame this guy, dump him, or join him in the game?

Is He A Player?

I'll get back to me writing soon...

2006-04-03T17:00:14Z

7th July 1973

...gonna tell yer all about how I got into me tape recording!

Sam's come back from that conference in Blackpool with the Gov. Strange 'e seemed quite cheerful and I actually saw 'im smile. Must be cos I made 'im a nice cuppa and got 'im them biscuits he likes so much.

The Guv in't right though poor bloke. 'e were walking a bit funny and looked uncomfortable when 'e sat down. Hope it's not from owt 'e picked up in Blackpool.

Elton John Concert on telly!

2006-04-01T22:43:18Z

6th July 1973

That Hyde digi channel thing - BBC4 - is gonna be showing an Elton John concert at 8:30pm on Tuesday. Can't go to the pub cos I've gotta to see that. I'll 'ave to come up with some sort of excuse cos it's our darts night. I'm right shite at darts anyway. Ray says I throw like a lass, but Sam says I just need the practice.

Some icons for Ray

2006-04-01T15:41:49Z

6th July 1973

Hey mate - sos 'bout the shite Valentines Day - 'ere's some icons for yer to use cos your 'tache one brings back too many bad memories!

A bit where I talk about watching that John Simm bloke in a dirty film

2006-03-31T09:58:48Z

6th July 1973

That John Simm bloke - he dun't half look like our Sam! Watched a film with him in on that porno channel Sam told us all about - Channel Four - and I got to see that John Simm blokes arse and all! Hey if I can't see our Sam's - his lookalikes will have to do!

Shite film though.

That shite film

Nowt like our soft porno films. I mean we had that Confessions of a Window Cleaner which at least were a bit of a laugh. Sam told us the bloke in that - Tony Booth - that his daughter is married to the Prime Minister of Hyde! Sam dun't talk a right load of shite at times!

A bit about how we caught Kim Trent

2006-03-30T12:49:42Z

5th July 1973

So a couple of weeks went by and Sam were still here. He still han't settled down or owt – he were still a bit weird, but I guess he always will be – that's just how he is. I guess that's what I sort of started to really like about the bloke – he were different and it were exciting to work with him and be round him. It were around this time that we trying to apprehend (Sam taught us that word apprehend – it's a good one in't it) a nasty bastard call Kim Trent cos he were back in town and we knew he'd got a robbery or two planned. We got a tip off that he were meeting his mates at the baths so the Guv, Sam and me went undercover to catch him.

I can't swim for toffee so I borrow me nephew armbands – don't know where the Guv got his swimming trunks from, think he had them since him and his misses went to Morecombe two year ago. It were Sam though that I were right impressed with. He were the only one of us who could actually swim so he got to be the lifeguard. It kinda suited him really – with his little whistle round his neck and when Trent legged it, it were Sam who out ran us all and caught up with him. Says he used to go to the gym in Hyde – which is odd cos here in Manchester gyms are where blokes go to train to be boxers and the like, not just get in to shape so they can run faster. He says he had summit called a running machine – which I dun't quite understand. He tired to explain it – but it din't make sense. Things must be very different in Hyde which is odd cos it's only just out of the city. Never been me self – but if they're all as nice as our DI I might have to go one day! Sorry I'm going off the story again an't I?

Anyway I made a right idiot of me self when Sam and the Guv caught the bastard. They had him pinned to the ground and I grabbed hold of one of his shoes and it come off in me hand. I saw then that he had a verruca right there on his foot. It were disgusting and well I were a bit caught up in all the excitement of the swimming under cover disguise that I shouted out for them to get off him. Bit stupid really when I look back – I can be a bit of a div at times me! Well they went and let go of Trent – nearly lost him cos of me silliness. When they grabbed hold of him again though it were right weird cos Sam goes to read him his rights and he forgot what they were! I mean he's gotta have been a copper for nearly twenty years now and he still can't remember the words when arresting folks! Made me feel less of a div about me verruca comment anyway. I never get that with Sam though – why he can be so right with some things and yet he dun't know the basics! I just stood there looking confused.

The one thing I remember most about that day though was feeling jealous cos Sam looked at the Guv swimming tunks – I mean really looked! I din't like that. I mean I'd felt a bit jealous when Sam had been looking at Annie – hell I look at Annie sometimes too – she right pretty, but to look at the Guv like that. I don't really have the words to say how I felt, but it were like getting hit in the stomach.

Well we got Trent to the Station and by then I gotten dressed and could light up a fag. Ray were on the front desk with Phyllis and said to the Gov how well he done to catch the bastard. I could see what he were doing – playing up to the Guv like that – cos really we all had caught Trent – all three of us. He never even looked at Sam. Well the Guv then sent me off to ring round the other departments and tell them we'd caught Trent. Another job us DC's have to do – but I were please to do it really. We'd done good. Meant I missed out on sitting in the interview, but later I could hear Sam and the Guv having an argument in the corridor about what had happened.

The Guv had punched the bastard like he always did and Sam wont happy about it, or the fact that the Guv wanted to set Trent up. I missed a lot of what happened next cos me and the lads were playing football in the office. The Guv weren't right please cos the ball hit the window of his office and one of his posters nearly came down – meant he made us go and play in the corridor. Looking through the wondow though I did see him and Sam not looking best please. Summit was up with Trent – I could tell that. I found out later that Sam had the bastard released cos there wont enough evidence – the Gov could have found plenty in his office – but that's Sam you see – always gotta be right.

By that time Ray and me had finished playing football and we was sorting out our lockers talking about how Sam had let Trent go. Ray said he were a bloody fool, and that's not how we do things and how Sam were a disgrace to the police force and how he'd let the Guv down. I din't like what Ray were saying really. I know I should have agreed and just about one month ago I would of – but I was kinda starting to see that it wont right to hold someone without evidence – I wont like it to happen to me if I were innocent and I kinda thought Sam might be right. I sort of said summit along those lines to Ray – which were a big mistake cos he went off on one. He said I were like a love sick puppy following Sam about like I did, teasing me, saying I were a poofter and asking me when I were gonna be setting up home with him. He got quite nasty really, saying I should wake up and realise that our new DI were a fucking nutter and that he were no good and that I shun't be so far up his arse.

That right confused me that did. I mean up till then I din't really think about how I were with Sam. Sure I knew how I were starting to feel about him inside me – how he made me feel like – but I din't think others could see it too. I ended up just walking off cos Ray were being so nasty and he got his own back on me later on. Sam were in the canteen and asked me to sit with him while he had his dinner so I could make some notes and the like, but Ray were in there too with some of the other lads. He were looking in our general direction and laughing about us. I knew what he were doing – it wont Sam he were getting at really cos Sam just wou't care. I mean I asked him if we could go somewhere else do this and he just told us to ignore them. No Ray were getting at me after what he'd said to us earlier and I felt right uncomfortable, but Sam told us to look at him cos he were me boss, and he was dead right. I had me job to do. Ray could act like the stupid wanker he were sometimes – cos this were my chance to show Sam I could do me job well.

I say that, but being alone with Sam like that, just kinda confused me cos he sort of sees things in a different way to everyone else. I wanted to impress him so I used all the stuff Ray had taught me about talking to witnesses, about how we should trip them up to get them to say stuff and make confessions, but Sam said they were witnesses not suspects and we shun't freak them out when asking questions. I thought perhaps if I wrote down what Sam had said that might really impress him, so did and I showed him I'd written it in big letters cos it was important. I made more notes about how he wanted Trent and his gang's faces out so folks would recognise them. He mentioned some place called Heathrow. I'd never heard of it, but he told us it were an airport in London. He's gone funny again I thought (just like that first day!), so I corrected him told him London in't in our district. He's a right weird bloke sometimes – I mean he puts tapioca pudding on beef burgers. Maybe that's another Hyde thing! Anyway the Guv busted into the canteen and told him to move it cos there were a blag going on at a jewellers. Sam pulled a funny face at me and then legged it.

By the time me and Ray got to the scene it were a right mess. The robbers had run off, shooting a gun and the Gov and Sam who were hiding in the back seat of a car. They were alright, but June woun't. She were one of the Stations cleaners, nice lass really. She were gonna get married and had gone to the jewellers to get her engagement ring fixed cos it were too big for her finger. It were her car the Guv and Sam hid in see and she got shot up right bad. Well you can imagine the Guv wont right please with that. He blamed Sam you see cos he knew that Trent and his gang had carried out the blag. If Sam han't let Trent go then June woun't have go shot up like that. When Ray and me moved all the folks out the way the Guv told Sam he had to clean up her blood off the road. Sam were right shaken and took off his cord jacket – went a big mad and wiped up the blood himself of the road with it. It were ruined after that – I never saw him wear it again.

It were around this time that mainly Ray and the other lads started to talk about just how down right weird Sam were. To me he were interesting and different and I sort of got swept away with that, but even I were starting to think that there were summit wrong with him, really wrong with him. He'd often just be staring off into space then he'd sort of come back. I noticed it a couple of times. The other lads at the Station compared notes and none of what they said were very kind. They said our new DI had to start proving himself soon or else he'd become a joke. He wont well liked that day I can tell you. We were all going to the pub to get bladdered and he wont invited – the Guv din't want to see him after what he'd done to June. Ray were right chuffed cos it meant that Sam were in the Guv's bad books – and anything that got one over on Sam made Ray happy. I remember spending that night in the pub laughing about him. I did feel a bit guilty mind cos he were me boss, and he meant more to me in me heart than I was willing to let on to the other lads.

That's why we were all right shocked when Sam and the Guv came in to the Station the next day together. I just coun't believe it. Apparently they'd gone and settled their differences with a fight – best way if you ask me. Sam were amazing – he'd gone from being a laughing stock to shouting at us and telling us in a proper bosses voice to get a move on. For about a second we was all a bit shocked so the Gov had to clap his hands and shout at us to get us all moving.

Later I came back to the Station to tell Sam that we found nowt from the witnesses. I like me bad jokes and told them a cracking one about how it were like Whitby fish market out there – a load of clams. Don't think the Gov and Sam got it. Perhaps they an't been to Whitby? It's dead nice is Whitby – me Nan took us once, me and me older sisters – anyway I'm off the story again an't I – sorry!

Well it were then that the Guv noticed some bird with big tits talking to Ray – she'd seen the robbery when it happened. He went over to get in on the action and have a bit of fun – I could see it were gonna be well funny and the Guv din't disappoint! (he never does). I were more interested in what the Guv had to say than looking at the birds tits. He were making comments with word like "chest" and "abreast". It were so funny I were trying hard not to laugh too much! Ray kept his laugher in a lot better than me – mind he were too busy staring at her tits – think he were rather distracted there. Sam however wont even looking! He were listening to what the bird had to say and it were a bloody good job he did and all cos he spotted summit the rest of us missed, that one of the robbers tripped and were holding the bag in his right hand. I remember wondering if this were another one of his flashes of inspiration.

Sam asked us if there were any joy with the forensics, but I'd just been there half an hour ago and the forensics bloke were still tied up in the lab. The Guv said we'd try his usual tactic of being heavy handed with folk to scare them in to making confessions. Sam said that were the wrong thing to do and then he came out with some thing I din't understand at the time about the robbers gloves. I stood there trying to work it out, the Guv must have got it and him and Sam turned to me to see if I'd twigged, but I han't. I were still trying to work it out! Sometimes I wonder how I got into CID – but that's another story. So Sam and the Guv went to test his theory back at the jewellers and got me to act out being the robber. I had to trip and everything and then I understood what Sam had worked out – that if I were a robber and I fell like that I'd end up holding on to a drain pipe so I din't fall over! In't he clever Sam! The robbers fingerprints would of been on that pipe you see.

Sam said we should get the pipe dusted for prints, but the forensic bloke coun't get down there for another three hours or so. It were then that I heard an ice-cream van and I got a bit distracted. Being a bit of div that I can be sometimes I asked Sam if he'd like a ninety nine. They're me favourites – mind one of me sister she dun't like her kids having ice-cream so she tell them it's the fish man when they hear the ice-cream van's music. Yep – I've go off the story again an't I! Anyway I don't think Sam were right impressed with me for asking him if he wanted a ninety nice there and then! He were a bit pissed off with me I think cos he just walked off telling us to get the prints.

It were then that I got me flash of inspiration – just like Sam did. I got a tool box from a handyman who was parked up in the area and he helped me saw the end of the pipe off. I were right chuffed with that cos I'd got the pipe and the prints – I though Sam would see how clever I was. But it really weren't going well for me that day, cos when Sam arrived he asked me how many other prints I'd managed to get on the pipe. Think Sam must have been thinking I were right thick by that stage! Still it were worth a try to send the prints down to London to get them checked out. Who knows in fourteen days we might get a match back.

The Guv then walked off cos he wont right impressed with Sam's new fangled policing methods. He wanted to get Trent, even if had had to frame the bastard. But by that stage I'd gone with the pipe to get it to the lab – so I missed a bit of what happened next. I heard when I got back from the lab that Sam had another one of his inspirations and they had some sort of witness who'd seen the robbery and could identify one of the blokes. Sam had found him cos he was a dustman pushing his cart and his cart had a big dent in it from where the getaway car had run into it. It turns out Sam were having a really good day cos for once his interviewing skills worked and he got the witness – a bloke called Leonard Pitt – to talk to him. I think from what I heard the Gov made him a bit scared really. I mean I'd be bloody scared if I were being interview by the Guv – I'd tell him everything – even how I felt about Sam if he tired his scare tactic on me.

Sam called us all in for a meeting and he started out really confident like saying he knew that some us din't like the way he did thing and how some of us blamed him for June getting shot. He might have been saying it to everyone, but it were Ray he were really talking to. I saw him give a quick look at Ray (I were sitting right behind him) – and Ray knew and all what that he was talking about him. Sam said we had to pull Trent in and we all looked at the Guv. He gave us a subtle nod to tell us it were alright what Sam were saying. I knew then that the Guv thought Sam were alright. He might not say it but he trusted him, and that was good enough for the rest of us.

Sam me and the Guv than went to find Trent's auntie. She lived in a flat you see and Sam and the Guv went to get her to tell them where Trent were. The Guv were right clever, he started to throw the woman's underwear over the passageway and down to where I were standing. There were some shocking pairs of knickers I can tell you. Not what a persons wants their neighbours to see! Got her right angry – I could hear her shouting all kinds of stuff at them. It were right funny. Anyway she told them where they could find him so it worked, they got the bastard and brought him back to the Station.

It were about then that Sam had a talk to me about Ray. We were in the corridor and he said Ray din't him. It were a sort of question to me, but he knew the answer. At first I tired to tell him nicely that Ray was only a bit upset cos Sam got his job – the inspectors job – but then I thought I'd be honest and tell him the truth, that Ray hated his guts. He then kind of shocked me and asked if I thought he were going about things the right way. I wanted so hard to tell him how much I thought he were right, but all that came out was I told him I supposed he were doing the right thing. But it's like one of them things in't it? Like what blokes say to each other. It were just enough for him to know I liked him, and he would have known I were telling the truth cos I'd been honest about Ray.

Of course Sam being Sam just when you though he were alright – he goes a bit nutty again. He told our witness that he had to identify Trent and that he would be behind special glass so that the bastard wont be able to see him. The Guv and me shot each other a glace as if to say "what the hell is he on about" cos we han't go owt like that here. Must be a Hyde thing. We just have the blokes lines up in the canteen. Anyway Pitt were too frightened to identify Trent and ran out. Sam talked Pitt round though, said he'd offer him summit called witness protection and took him to see June so Pitt could see what Trent had done. And it did the trick and all, he got Pitt to identify Trent by hiding in an ice cream van and saying when he saw him. I'd like to think I gave Sam that idea – with the ice cream van - for suggesting he had a ninety nine earlier that day.

Worst thing was though cos he'd promised Pitt protection, me and Ray ended up parked in a car outside Pitts house while Annie looked after him. We were there for back up in case Trent came after him. Ray were right pissed off cos it were our darts match against C Division that night and he had a lot of money riding on us winning. He said we'd just sit outside for a bit and then bugger off once Sam were convinced things were okay. I din't like the sound of that, but Ray said I had to do what he said cos he were me sergeant, and gave me that whole "who's side were I on" speech. Beside I thought he were right – as if Trent would come and get Pitt – playing darts was far more fun. Well we were doing really well at the darts match, when Sam bursts in and says cos he were right annoyed that we wont outside the flat. Ray thought he'd come in to tell us off and made some kind of sarcky remark to him. I thought it were funny at first, like Sam had come in like a teacher telling the kids off for misbehaving, but then we found out that Annie and Pitt were in trouble and it wont funny anymore. Ray and me were sent back out again – I had to leave me pint and me good score, but some things are more important than beer and darts.

Anyway this is were if all gets right weird. It were early March right, and the clock han't gone forward yet – but it were still light outside. I mean it were after work and all but the sun were still out. Also – I don't quite understand how Annie and Pitt ended up at a factory or how Sam found them cos Annie's radio had gone dead. But there were there and in trouble so I guess that all that counts. By the time we arrived there Trent were holding a gun at Sam, Annie and Pitt, saying he were gonna shot Sam last so he could see what happens – he were a right nasty piece or work wont he? But he weren't expecting what happened next. The Guv surprised him by decking him one and he fell right over. Me, Ray and the lads caught the rest of the gang and that were that.

Sam then worked out how to do a proper line up parade where no one could see the witness. He put some big lights up and shined them in the faces of the men so they were blinded and we all looked like we were just shadows – clever eh? But he's also done summit else cos Pitt were no longer scared of Trent. He went right up there to his face and picked him out. He were brave you see, and it Sam who'd helped to make him brave. The Guv moved over to Sam and they both looked at each other – again another bloke thing. The Guv were saying to Sam by doing that "you're alright" and when Sam smiled back he were saying "thanks". Blokes dun't really say much sometimes even if they feel it in their hearts.

Well at the end of the day it were Thursday and we were all playing poker as usual in the pub. Sam walked in and the Guv asked him to join us. Ray were right pissed off by that and he got up to saying he needed to take a leak but I could tell he just din't want to be round Sam, especially now the Gov had invited him to sit with us – showed us all what the Gov thought of him. Sam gave him a little smile and the Guv gave him back a little nod. I were right glad anyway. Meant I got to sit next to Sam all night and if my knee occasionally brushed against his I could get away with it, and I did.

Awww

2006-03-28T23:45:53Z

4th July 1973

I'll get back to me writing soon but I had to put this picture in me journal.

I'm thinking I'm gonna go to Woolworths and get me a frame.

A bit about what happend when I met DI Sam Tyler

2006-03-28T15:46:11Z

4th July 1973

So the day arrived when the so called fucking bastard from Hyde turned up.

Ray were in a right stinking mood but he came to work none the less. Think he wanted to see the new DI for himself, see who'd got his job. I remember I were chatting to one of the lad about the gossip that we'd just heard. Apparently our new DI had been in some sort of an accident and he were not right in the head. I saw it for me self when the bloke walked in through them double door looking all dazed and confused. Looking back now it were weird the first time I set eyes on Sam Tyler – I mean I know he's a weird bloke, but he were acting particularly weird that first day. Thing was though – the moment I saw him I kinda forgot the drunken promised I'd made to Ray, about giving him a hard time. It was just he were knocking over stuff and well he looked so sort of lost. No one was saying owt to the poor bastard and well he were - well I can say it now – I thought he were well fit. Certainly the best looking bloke in the Station by a long shot. But I'm what do-you-call it digesting? No that in't right – digressing – that's it, going off the story.

So there he were, no one talking to him so I go up and introduce me self to him. I held out me hand, but he just looked at it, like it were dirt or something. I can remember thinking that perhaps Ray was right – this bloke really was a bastard – he won't even shake me hand. It then hit me that he might be half cut – I mean it's not easy starting a new job, he might have had a couple to calm his nerves. Looking back now I think it were it a bit silly of me to think that he were half way pissed at work, but I din't know him then. You can't always judge folks on first impressions. I sort of felt that things were well a bit tense with the other lads looking at him and him being so freaked out and all so I made a couple of jokes to calm things down. That's what I do best you see, play the fool. I thought if I could get us all laughing it might make things better. Trouble was everyone else started laughing but poor Sam din't join in - us laughing just seemed to make him angry, and boy did he go on off one!

He started shouting about how our office were his office and other strange stuff like asking where his desk were. I thought he were a fucking nutcase making all that noise. I told him to be quiet cos I knew what would happen – the Guv would hear him – and he did and all. I shot a warning glance at Ray – but I could see he were full of it knowing that the Guv were gonna kick the living shite out of the job stealing bastard and he couldn't wait. The moment the Guv took hold of him all us lads quickly moved so we could get a good view through the glass – none of us wanted to miss this and the Guv din't disappoint. If I'm being honest I quite enjoyed watching the Guv give knock him about a bit, but not as much as Ray did. I did feel a bit sorry for the poor bloke, but hey he'd just gone off on one and needed to be put in his place – that's how it is round here.

Anyway having the shite beaten out of him by the Gov seemed to calm him down a bit. I found him somewhere quite to sit down but he were sort of like shaking like he were in some sort of bad state. Ray were loving it though the fact that our new boss couldn't cope. The phone rang and I went to get it so I kind of left Ray to his snide looks. I had me job to do you see. I might come over sometimes as being a bit, well a bit like I'm taking the piss at times, but I know how important me job is and this time the phone call were important cos it were about some bird who'd been done in – a lass called Suzi Tripper. She'd be missing for a couple of days and now they'd found her strangled to death. It were odd though cos when I mentioned the place she'd been found – Satchmore Road – it seemed to have an effect on Sam – brought him out of himself – like he'd been shocked back to life again.

The Guv then did a clever thing looking back. He buggered off to give a statement to the press, but he left Sam in charge. At the time I thought what the hell is he doing cos our new DI wouldn't be able to cope the poor bastard, but I guess we all needed to know as soon as possible if he were any good. A test for him and us. I thought I'll try and help things by being as relaxed as possible, plus I din't want to get his back up again – he wont very nice when he were off on one! I called him over to Ray's desk, but it were Ray who took charge – I could see what he were trying to do. Show the others that he were calm and in control compared to our strange new DI. I got all the stuff we found on her and put it on the desk in front of the new boss. He were still looking a bit rattled and he din't seem best pleased when the picklelily from me sandwich dripped all over the Tripper bird's things. I tired to wipe it up, but I ended up making it worse and smearing it all over Ray's copy of Game - I knew Ray wont gonna be happy with me about that!

Ray started goading him then. Calling him "Boss" but turning the way he said "Boss" in to more of a question as to who were really in charge. Sam then started to ask some very odd questions about visiting the crime scene and preserving it. I shot a glance at one of the lads - I were really unsure cos he were the boss but what he were saying was rubbish, but Ray picked up straight away that it looked like our new DI din't have a clue what he were on about. It were quite funny really when Sam asked if they'd dusted the body for prints – I mean as if you can do that! He were surprised that it took two weeks to get results from fingerprints back from Scotland Yard and all. He even suggested that we should take statements from some dock workers we know who last saw the dead bird alive. Ray set him straight on every point and I could here in his voice that he enjoyed doing it. It made me smile cos Ray were right and I liked that. By now I was loosing all sympathy for him. You need to respect yer boss and much as I felt sorry for him I din't like the fact that he din't know what he were doing. Looked like our new DI couldn't cope after all – at this rate the job would be Ray's by the end of the day.

Things got ever weirder in the morgue when Ray me and Sam went to see the body for ourselves on the slab. Sam were all a bit jumpy and he just about remember me name to ask what I learnt from the stomach contents. His strange behaviour put me on edge too and I took what he said meaning that he wanted me to actually look at what were in her stomach – he seemed weird enough to ask something like that – but of course he meant in the post mortem file. When I told him she wont fed for at least a day – well that really got him freaking out again. He just knida went on a weird rant thing. I can remember looking at Ray and thinking we both had the same thought. This wont funny any more – it were down right scary. I told him he needed to get some rest, but then he calmed down as bit as if something had just occurred to him that very moment. Over the months I've sort of got use to him doing this – getting sudden flashes and ideas from somewhere, where he knows something the rest of us don't, but it were odd the first time I saw him do it – in fact I think I told him he needed a stiff drink. He rummaged about in one of the trays and got some tongs or something and pulled out a strand of fibre from under the dead bird's nails. How the hell he knew if were there I don't know, but Ray took charge again and told him that he's get one of the plonks to look at him cos he were in a bit of a bad way really.

After we left the morgue Guv called me into his office to have a chat like. He knows that he can trust us, I think. Well anyway he ask me what I thought to our new DI and it kinda threw me and so I sort of blurted out all honest that I thought he were a bit nutty and wont right in the head. I told him all about what happened in the morgue and he seemed a bit well – it's hard to tell with the Guv – he din't look right happy anyway. I sort of stood up for Sam, saying that it were the accident and he would be alright tomorrow like. He'd had a shite day had Sam and it wont up to me to make it worse so I left it at that. One thing though, the Guv did seem interested when I told him about Sam finding the fibres under that bird's finger nails.

Unlucky for me I the Guv picked us take the mad bastard home. He started to rabbit on in the car park about how the killer was gonna kill again in thirty years of something and asking me if he were making any sense. I sort of sarcastically agreed with him that his mad ramblings were making sense, but he din't get it – thought I were agreeing with him and carried on. I were right glad when Annie offered to take him home instead. I mean I din't want to be trapped in a car listening to his weird crap – no matter how fit he was. Meant I could bugger off to the pub with Ray and we spent the rest of the evening laughing about the new DI and what a bad first day he's had. Ray started up a sweepstake to see how long Sam Tyler would last. I thought I were quids in with a week, but I din't know then how wrong I would be.

I were a bit surprised when he turned up for work the next day really. He were late but he did show up. Meant I were still in for the sweepstake, but Ray were out, he had him down for just lasting the one day. He were acting a bit odd still – asking about why we were using Lost and Found to do an interview – but I think he were calmer, perhaps the night's kip had done him some good. We had to interview some bird – Dora Keenes and I got out me notebook to make some notes. That's what DC's have to do you see. We don't get to ask clever questions or owt. It were then I started to see just how different Sam were to the Guv when interviewing folks. The Guv was all shouty, got suspects really scared of him and shocked them into making confessions. He were brilliant with the way he could get people to confess the things like that. Sam on the other hand, he tried to be clever, he played all kind of tricks with them – only I din't quite see it then. With this bird he tried to friend her like, get her to trust him, but it din't work – she wont taking it cos she could see straight through him. You see he were a copper and she wont gonna trust him no matter what. The Guv had to wage in and give her a scare cos the being a mate thing just din't work, but Sam din't like the way he did it and ended up walking out of the interview. He can get very touchy about stuff sometimes.

Anyway him and the Gov had a bit of a talk about stuff and Sam said he could solve the case if the Gov let him do it his way, only I din't know then that his way meant that I would be stuck in the collators den looking through a list of names he got from nowhere – more of his sudden flashes which he called inspiration. It were then I think that I started to warm to him. He were odd alright but he'd come back into work after having a bad first day – which I'd got to give him credit for. And well I still thought he were right fit after all, especially when he grabbed hold of me when he wanted me to do the work in the collators den. I got such a thrill being manhandled by him. He were different from most blokes I'd ever met before and I liked that, so much so that a part of me din't mind searching for names in the files cos I wanted to get him a result.

I took me jacket and tie off in the collators den and rolled up my sleeves to get on with job. While I were in there I decided I din't want to put my tie back on again. Ray always wore a tie, but Sam didn't and he looked bloody nice with an open collar shirt so I sort of wanted to do the same. Sam were calling a meeting to do something called a psychological profile on the killer and I were keen to get a seat near the front cos I found I were more than curious, I were interested in what he had to say, and well he looked bloody gorgeous standing there with his sleeves rolled up like mine. Anyway he went and called Annie up to the front cos she's right clever with her degree and all. I must explain that I like Annie. She's dead nice and pretty and really really clever, but Ray dun't like her though. He says she just some plonk who's just trying to rise above her station so he's always trying to bring her down. I don't know me self. Guess I just not used to birds being around the office. He started some kind of ooohing noise and said he wanted to see her do a striptease. I thought it were a bit funny really – I mean I'd get all upset if he said something like that to one of me older sisters, but as I say it's different at work. Sam weren't impressed though – I could see that.

So Annie starts talking about the killer and I decide I need a fag but me lighter had packed in, but then Sam started to talk and I sort of forgot all about having a smoke. I got sort of caught up in what he had to say like. I were staring so hard at him, almost not listening to what he were saying, even when Annie were speaking I was looking at him, but he wont looking at me, he were looking at Annie. I felt jealous, really jealous that I thought I needed to stop this – it in't fair that he's looking at Annie like this, so I made a joke about me looking at Annie's lips and that kinda broke the tension cos the Guv told her to go. Perhaps it won't the nicest thing to do, but sometimes you do things without thinking.

Anyhow I got back to work in the collator den when news came in that the bird we'd had in for questioning had been abducted and it looked like it were the same killer. Sam and the Gov went out to see if anyone had seen her about while I were stuck hunting through the files. It were than that I found something important – one of Sam's names – so I radioed the Gov. You can imagine how happy I were – I'd got Sam a result. They called in the woman who made the complaint, you see cos we only kept the carbon copy. Up till then I han't though much to keeping records, but you see now I know Sam were right to put me on to looking through them cos we found out when we talked to the woman that it were a complaint about her neighbour. I remember I kept being sent to get biscuits for the old bird and missed a lot of the interview, but from what I could gather Sam made a bit of a hash of it – he really does need to work on his interviewing skills, he might have these flashed of inspiration but he ain't got the as brilliant with folks as the Guv. I missed the rest cos I were in the canteen getting some bloody pink wafers, but the Gov calmed the woman down and got the full story out of her.

They got the bastard in the end, which just goes to prove that Sam might have been a totally nutter, but he were right. Also it meant he lasted more than a week so I lost the sweepstake. Ray were in a foul mood after that and made another bet, this time a private one with me. He bet that Sam would be the one most likely to pull a gun on the Gov first. I'd seen how Sam irritated the Gov so I bet the other way. I just hoped if the Guv ever did pull a gun on him that he din't shoot him cos I dun't think me heart could take it.

Hello! A bit about me life before I met DI Sam Tyler

2006-03-28T14:42:51Z

3rd July 1973

Hello, its Chris here. Just though I'd say hello. I'm gonna tell yer a bit about what happened to me this year - well not all of this year cos it's only July, but a bit of this year - 1973. The bit that happened earlier this year when we got our new DI and a bit about what it were like before he arrived, just so yer know.

Right, let's see. It's hard for me to look back really cos I know I were such a div at times and I'm a bit well embarrassed about stuff. But I'm a watcha-ma-call-it an optometrist – no that's the wrong word there in't it? That's who me Nan's off to see a week on Friday about her glaucoma. Optimist, that's the word. Like to see the best in things, that's me.

Well I know this year din't start out great, in fact it were shite. In January Ray and me had to go on a stake out. It in't like them American films you know, a stake out, it's bloody boring. We was parked outside some house in Moss Side, waiting to see if some bloke we were after would turn up to visit his Auntie. The heater in Ray's car kept packing in and we were taking nips of whisky to keep us warm. I had me butties that me Mum made us – cheese and picklelily. I made sure I put the butties in between Ray and me so sometimes when he reached for one, I reached for one and all. Me hand would sometime catch his and I'd get a bit of a thrill like. Looking back I think he knew, (or at least suspected) cos he spent most of the first couple of hours reading his copy of Razzle, and he kept asking what I thought of the lasses – trying to embarrass me I think. I played along, saying which birds I thought were fit, but I think Ray knew I were trying a bit too hard. He knew I'd do owt for him though and he like that I think.

I would have done owt for him and I did that night – no not like that – I know what you lot are thinking, but it wont that! Just as the heater was working again there was a knock on the drivers window and there were some bird standing outside. A cheep sort of bird, fur coat no knickers - you know the type. Ray told me to hop it and give him half an hour and I did. What a div I was eh? I mean it were fucking freezing outside. I had to stand down a ginnel to keep out the wind, and I got a bad cold. I mean I did all that for him, I didn't report him or owt and he still treated me like shite - cos he knew he could. Bastard! I call him a bastard now - but at the time, well I admired him and wanted to be just like him. Modelled me self on him I did. Hell, I were even a bit, well in love with the bastard. There I've said it now. I were in love with Ray or I thought I was.

So things went on like that (as they always had done) for a couple more months. Ray were up to be DI and in me heart I wanted him to get his promotion. He would been me proper boss then you see and if he were me proper boss I could do stuff for him and he could see how good I were at me job. I could really impress him and I would have enjoyed him telling us what to do. But Ray din't get the DI job. I remember the day The Gov calls us all in for a meeting and told us all that they were bringing in some new bloke from Hyde for the job. I could see Ray were disappointed, but credit to him he kept it in – din't lose his temper or owt. He lost it later though. We went for a few bevies after work and I think Ray had too many really cos it were just him and me in the end – everyone else buggered off. He were just downing them one after another and Nelson had to come over and tell me to take Ray home cos he were in a bad state. When I got him out the pub he started hitting his fists against the wall till he broke down in tears. He kept saying how it should of been his job, how some fucking bastard from the suburbs had stolen his job and how he were gonna get the fucking bastard from Hyde for taking his job. By then it were pissing it down but he just kept hitting his hands over and over again against that sodding wet wall.

I ended up having to take his hands in mine cos he were getting them all bloody from hitting the wall. I guess it's pretty selfish of me but I got a bit of a thrill from taking hold of his hands. I should have been thinking about Ray – not me self – but something in me was enjoying being with Ray like this, taking charge of him, looking after him. I put me arm round him there and then and I walked him home, telling him things were gonna be alright and how the fucking bastard from Hyde wont last two minutes, and how Ray would get that job cos it were his. When we reached Ray's door he turned to me and gave me one of them drunken hugs and said how I were a good bloke and his best mate. He made me promise that when the fucking bastard from Hyde started that I'd give him a hard time and not do what he said. I agreed cos at that moment I hated the bloke, the one who'd taken Ray's job. Hated him so much for making Ray feel like this. I'd show him, show him he couldn't just take Ray job like that and I do it for Ray. They were brave words them that I said to Ray – think it were the drink talking really cos I don't think I could ever really hate someone, but Ray'd hugged me after all and said what a good bloke I was.

All of a sudden his front door swung open and his bird Trudy were there not looking best pleased. She gave him a right earful so all the neighbours could hear about how she'd come over, let herself in and made him his tea to celebrate him getting his promotion. The burnt hotpot was now and in the bin and she weren't right happy! She grabbed hold of his jacket and pulled him in to the house, slamming the door in me face. I could still hear her shouting at him after the door shut and there was nowt really for me to do but turn and walk away. I wish she han't been there cos I would have taken Ray into his house and looked after him. Just him and me, but of course it never happened. I walked home in the rain by me self again as always.